saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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