I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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