you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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