I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
