Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
