My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
