I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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