all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
