Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
