So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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