I CAN MOONWALK!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
