There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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