My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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