you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
