I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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