Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
