Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
