fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
