Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
