i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
