My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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