please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
