the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
