distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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