I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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