I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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