Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
