There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
