she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
