just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm at about main and main street
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
