Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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