i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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