i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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