Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
