dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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