He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
