We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
