He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
