She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
