I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
