you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Less talking, more tequila
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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