So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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