I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
