doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
