Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the liver wants what the liver wants
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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