do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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