how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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