she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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