I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
