How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
