I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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