32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
