YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
