Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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