I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
