is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
