We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
