I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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