The maid of honor just puked.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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