Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
