dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
