Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
