i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
