Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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